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I get asked a lot, "What is the craziest thing that has ever happened at a gig?". I'm still traumatized by the helicopter incident of 2011. I was face painting at a large fund raiser for First Responders. In addition to face painting, they had a fire truck, a band and a bounce house. The line was long, the day was hot, and the moms were stabby. Someone had the brilliant idea to LAND A HELICOPTER in the parking lot close to my tent. In case you have never had a helicopter land next to you, it creates a vortex of dirt, trash, and very small rocks. These materials were embedded 1/16" deep in my face paint and corneas. Everyone got a free exfoliating scrub made of dirt. More on what happened to the tent because I have dedicated an entire rant on tents and wind.

Weirdest Painting Requests

Teenage Girl: Can you paint a dancing weenie with a beard?
Me: You said weenie, but I need you to mean a hot dog right now.
Teenage Girl: Yes! With stick arms and legs.
Me: Can he have a scarf made of mustard?
Teenage Girl: Yes.
Me: Then yes I can.
Honorable Mention: A child asked me to paint the back of a dime on his back. He gave me the dime and I painted it. I asked him if he was a coin collector. Nope. Ok then. You people are weird. In a cute way.

Colorado's strong winds can rival those of a Category 2 hurricane, though not as sustained, they mangle pop-up tents like wadded paper. I am kinda tired of watching everyone else look bewildered as their tent takes flight because I beg them to stake and weight their tent before I get there. Let's talk about a few incidents. I painted between two grown men fighting for their lives, wrestling a brand new EZ Up at a park. Dad missed his daughter's entire birthday party. The worst tent fiasco was actually from a tent rental company. The water barrels are supposed to be filled with water and tied to the tent. The gale force winds picked up while I was painting a little boy and the tent came down on us. It might surprise you how heavy these tents are. Thank God my director's chair holds 300 pounds because this child and I huddled under it. He was crying, it was dark, his parents were not close by, it was TERRIBLE. Another time a tent took off and the leg scratched a boy's face. In case I haven't harped on this enough, let me be spell it out. If you have never set up a tent in Colorado wind, you are grossly underestimating damage and INJURIES you will be legally and financially responsible for by not properly securing your tent. Stakes are usually not adequate - weights are necessary. We are NOT responsible for injury, damage or any other liabilities caused by your pop-up tents taking flight. If you are not able to remedy the sun/wind/rain exposure by moving to a sheltered or alternate indoor location, we are leaving without refunding payment. Rant over. 

I get requests for budget friendly parties and we can usually work something out. Lately people have been asking us to disrupt the space/time continuum. Sorry but like most artists, I flunked physics. Case in point: Budget was $100 and they needed 200+ kids to be painted. "We love your work and want your standard 5 minute designs, nothing fancy." Even if I could get every kid in and out of the chair in 3 minutes, one artist would need 10 hours to paint 200 faces. I explained to her that she needs several artists to handle this kind of traffic. She wasn't getting the math that her budget wasn't realistic. I'm reminded of word problems in high school (If a face painter leaves a gig at 2:30 but realizes she forgot her sponges after driving 12 miles,...). I wished her well and said my standard: Please make sure whoever you hire is using cosmetic face paint and not acrylic."

I offer a free theme painting for every booking. A Mom calls and says her daughter LOVES ladybugs. Her room is ladybugs. Her clothes are ladybugs, draws ladybugs, etc. AWESOME! So the Mom sends me this plate that she is using at the daughter's birthday party. So cute! I am excited to come up with a cute design based on this plate. I told the Mom that I always bring my regular menu of the "favorite" designs to every party unless I am asked not to. She says that's great. I show up and the birthday girl gets in my chair. I say, "Happy birthday and where do you want this cute ladybug painted?" She says, "I want a skull." Ummm. Mom? Mom looks shocked... tries for like 3 tedious minutes to convince this girl to get a ladybug, but she wasn't having it. She saw the skull on my menu and that's what she wanted. Trust me, this is going to be hilarious in the family photo album or on Facebook. I have to say it bothers me when parents try to cajole kids into the designs they like to see. I can understand some subtle suggestions... or no face painting at all if there is a family photo taken the next day. I get that. The gender thing is wrong also. Let the boy get a Frozen design - boys love that movie too. A boy may just have come back from the butterfly museum and he's excited to get a butterfly, but the Dads won't let them. Who is this for? Face painting is for the child, right? Anyway, the ladybug theme Mom backed down and her darling girl got a skull despite her ladybug dress, plates, napkins, cake and banners. LOL! The only person at the entire event that got a ladybug was Mom. So don't focus on theme too much, Moms! :D

It's price -vs- value. When people call to get price quotes, I wish I could explain what they're actually getting for their money. It might seem like you could just ask the price per hour and go with the cheapest. First of all, what is the point of paying $50 per hour for someone who can only paint 6 wobbly nightmares per hour? We can paint 12-16 kids per hour, guaranteed. And not little balloons - most of the stuff in my gallery is 5 minutes or less. FRUSTRATING! Wow, some of the stuff I have seen around town is shockingly bad. Like, even simple paintings that look like an 8 year old did them. Don't let this happen to you!  :-(

I bring a hand painted menu to my events that does not depict the design on a face. I did the menu this way for several reasons. First of all, if a client has a bunch of extra siblings show up to the party, I can modify the designs to make them quicker. Maybe they are only on one eye, or just less detail. If you show up with a menu of faces painted, kids expect to see that when they look in the mirror. The other reason is that multiple artists work off my menu. Our work will NEVER look the same.

RED ALERT - Acrylic paint spotted again. In my never ending crusade to rid the face painting world of acrylic paint, I ask you to educate yourself. PLEASE make sure your kids are being painted with face paint or makeup. If you see those bottles of craft paint from Michaels - RUN. Acrylic paint is not approved for use on skin. What if they got some in their mouth - is it toxic or what? Acrylics are specifically formulated to be color fast for a century of exposure to UV rays in case a painting is hanging next to a sunny window!!!!! I saw a lady camped out in front of Front Range BBQ with craft paint recently. It made me really upset. She is doing harm to my industry as well as kids. I just know sooner or later one of these poor kids faces will swell up or burn. So being the shy retiring person I am, I asked her if I could GIVE her some face paint and if she would pretty please stop using acrylic. She declined. At least I tried.

And while we're talking about acrylics, lets talk about buzz words. Some are labeled "Non-Toxic". Parents have somehow decided that this means it's ok to slather it on their children's faces. The other buzz word I that makes me want to get stabby is "natural". Sweetheart, arsenic and asbestos are natural and they will both kill you. You're afraid of gluten and corn syrup, but you're putting acrylic paint and imported henna on your skin? Weird.